Hello to all my fantastic Over 40 Ladies and Gentlemen. I am so excited about this post. Most of you know, I was interviewed by Lulu, creator of Designing 40. In return, I wanted to find out how she’s designing 40 at the age of 39.
These techniques can be used if you’re turning 50, 60… No matter what age your age, you can still benefit from this amazing information you’re about to receive.
Sidenote, when I say, “Over 40” it includes any age literally over 40. I feel that it’s redundant to keep saying over 40, over 50 and so on.
I was extremely fortunate to be interviewed by Lulu, Creator, of Designing 40. If you haven’t had a chance to read the article, “Killing it: 7 Steps to owning your life after 40,” here’s your opportunity.
When I started Over 40 & Killing it® I was in my early 40’s, an empty nester who had screwed up her life because I had too much free time on my hands. AND I pretty much lived my life for my kids, which I loved.
While raising my kids as a single parent, I never went out. I didn’t have any friends. I worked. I took the kids to all of their activities (that was my entertainment). I enjoyed every minute of being a mom.
So I never looked at turning 40, as if something magical was going to happen. I never had any emotional thoughts or feelings about turning 40.
Turning 40 to me was just another day. However, when I turned 30 I had a small emotional breakdown. I’ll never forget. I was on my way to work. My girlfriend Brenda who passed away from breast cancer some years ago sent me a birthday card. I didn’t get a chance to read it until Monday morning. I forgot to get the mail over the weekend.
When I starting reading the card, I literally broke down into tears at the bus stop, uncontrollably. All that kept going through mind was; I hadn’t accomplished anything, I didn’t have a lot of money in my savings account. I had to drive with the heat on so my car wouldn’t overheat. I was a mess at turning 30. When I reached 40, it was a breeze until I hit my mid-life crisis (another story for another time).
But that’s not most people. For some turning 40 can be emotional, scary, and downright depressing.
Thanks to Lulu, who has summed up so eloquently what her emotions are; on how to tackle being a single parent and heading towards 40. You can apply these same techniques if you’re heading towards 50, 60… as well.
- I’m mostly excited because I have waited so long for this. I raised my son on my own, in a foreign country and without a real support system around me. I had made new friends but I didn’t know them well enough to ask for big favours like helping with babysitting. I was studying for my Masters and working full-time as an Assistant in housekeeping at a hotel in Copenhagen. The work was hard because I had to be the last person to leave work, to check that all housekeeping duties had been completed. This meant that I was sometimes late picking up my son from daycare. I didn’t make it to all my classes because I had to work, so I studied at night whilst my son slept. My son’s father was not always available for his visitation, which sometimes took a strain on me, and I often cried on the phone talking to my mother. When I eventually graduated and started working, my job required that I travel and I had to rely on my mother to come from London to babysit for me. It was a huge financial strain and I had a lot of resentment towards my son’s father. So yes, I am excited because I know my son is older and I no longer have to feel guilty about having a life or a career. I never thought this day would come. Now that he’s older he is also able to understand things a lot better and he is more independent. It’s hard to believe that we made it this far.
- I have also experienced growth in terms of how I deal with my ex-husband. I have let go of the resentment and of trying to be mother and father to my son. I was not doing my son any favours by covering up for his father and taking on the role of a father on my shoulders. All I did was get stretched too thin and affect my ability and role as a mother.
- I feel more empowered to not “do the things that I have to do”. I am less afraid to make mistakes or take chances. Four years ago I started my own company distributing niche spa products from South Africa. The concept was great, the products were made from natural ingredients sourced in Southern Africa from rural farmers – but my timing was wrong and the money too tight to fight in such a competitive market. And yet despite that, I threw all my money into this project, given I fell upon the right project again I would take the plunge. And recently I got laid off and I am taking it as an opportunity to finally take the job I want, and not the job I have to take in order to survive. So I am comfortable saying no to offers that I feel would set me off track.
- I am more comfortable in my skin, but I’m not sure this has anything to do with turning 40. I suffer from an autoimmune disease and between 2012 and early 2015, I had a huge health scare and it left me completely broken emotionally, physically and mentally. I have been working so hard to get back on track and find any shred of confidence that was left in me. So it’s been a great process, with tears, numbness, screaming, depression, shutting myself away, discovering the new me out of it all and adjusting. Most importantly for the first time, I was able to give in and focus on just me, because I had no energy for anyone else. It came with guilt since I am a parent (and especially a single parent), but I have learnt that my needs are important too in order to have a healthy mother-son relationship.
- I feel sexually independent. As little girls, we were always made to feel ashamed for being curious and so I have gone through different phases of comfort with my sexuality. I no longer shame myself for having desires or for not following the skewed set of morals women are held against. If I consent, respect my feelings and understand what it means to me, then I am not violating myself.
How powerful was that? Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to know, that you are not alone in this journey of turning 40, 50… after reading Lulu’s words, I feel so empowered on designing 50.
Let turning 40, 50… be liberating and empowering. As Lulu would say;
1. Get to know yourself (become comfortable in your skin).
2. Get excited about this new chapter, that will be filled with everything you dreamed of and more. It’s up to you!
3. Grow with your age, (speak your mind, stand up for what you believe in) don’t let your age hinder you, it’s only a number.
4. Empower yourself to go after exactly what you want. Don’t let anything hold you back.
5. Sex is amazing. Don’t be afraid to come out of your shell. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what turns you on. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what turns them on. Don’t be afraid to talk about sex.
Your life is just beginning at 40 and beyond. How are you, going to “Design 40 or Style 50?”
Let Over 40 & Killing it® be your go-to resource in obtaining the lifestyle you deserve; over 40 dating tips, redefining your style, how to remain ageless, over 40 nightlife, and starting an online business.
I also invite you to share your story, send me an email to email@example.com. In the subject line add, “My Story,” “Advice,” or “My Question.” Your story or advice needs to be heard. We can learn from each other.
I love coaching the “Over 40” Nouveau Single Ladies & Gentlemen via my workshops who are re-entering the dating scene or who just want to learn how to be single again, redefine their style or upgrade their lifestyle.
So until we meet again my Dear Friends, Stay Cool, Classy and Keep on Killing It. And remember NEVER, give up! NEVER be denied! You’re NEVER too old! NEVER look back! Peace!
Everything is better, “Over Cocktails or Coffee!” ~~kah